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Showing posts with label Mother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mother. Show all posts

May 9, 2015

The Failure of Superwoman: A Young Composer's Confession

The Failure of Superwoman: A Young Composer's Confession 

(Originally Published 2010)
In this poignant confession, an overworked mother shares her daily struggles of work and family while giving a seed of hope to working mothers the world over. 

My friends call me Superwoman. 

Singlehandedly I juggle work, music, and motherhood, and still manage to get a healthy dinner on the table before my husband comes home at night. You can find me lecturing on Baroque Music and Beethoven at the local university, composing electronic music for my opera until the late hours of the night, teaching my baby girl proper fingering on the piano, and trying to find ways to buy organic vegetables while cutting my grocery budget by another ten percent.

I appreciate the empowerment my mother's generation gave to Generations X and Y. We grew up believing that we could have it all. Despite all of the bad publicity for being "slackers", we believed that a woman could perfectly balance work, her dreams, and her family without a cost. My parents taught both my sister and I that we could be the best, and that we were the best. I am the overachieving product of an immigrant family - another alien wondering about this lost land.

I am Superwoman. I am tired.

Several months of putting in full time hours in my spare time has sucked me dry. I want to hang up my superhero cape, put away the neat utility belt, and just blend in with everyone else. Musical ideas nag me constantly, but who has time for a symphony when baby has an ear infection, there are fifty papers to grade, and time with hubby is already nonexistent? So many notes flying around in my head - floating and dying, with no creative outlet, like a million snowflakes in a blizzard. They disappear, and I hope that someday I will again have the time to write something great, or just have time to breathe.

I am Superwoman. I am not alone.

As the economies of the world crumble to dust, and millions more join the short path to poverty, billions of Superwomen keep each nation alive. They feed the world's children, till the barren soil, and attempt to help the fledgling generation that is our children have a fighting chance in a rapidly decaying environment.

How much longer can the Superwomen fight before kryptonitic exhaustion robs them of their waning powers? Are we the shadows of women's liberation, or are we the militant mother soldiers of the New Great Depression? Are we forging a new path or are we simply trudging along a well-beaten trail? Only the her story books a century from today can tell.

Look in the mirror, my sister. You might find the face of a Superwoman staring back at you.

January 18, 2014

Insomnia Strikes Musician Mom!

Voice classification in non-classical music

Insomnia Strikes Musician Mom

You know the feeling, it's 4am and you need to sleep, your body says it's time to sleep, but your mind is racing over the latest issues of the day. Maybe you are worrying about that cough that Maria has had the last week, the test that John may or may not pass, maybe you have a big project at work or need to buy groceries tomorrow but don't have the time. Maybe a relative really, really got on your nerves or your spouse has been insensitive. Maybe you are stressing about getting pregnant or about the newborn that has just managed to fall asleep in your arms while you brain is wide awake. 

Whatever the case, whatever the reason, all moms go through this - insomnia. 

English: Keyskills Centre toy piano model BG01...Tonight's insomnia was brought by work and music. If you don't know already, I am a composer and last year I finished my first opera. It took two years. That means for half of my daughter's life, mommy has been working on an opera, which only makes sense since I was writing an oratorio when she was in utero. Our lives became so enmeshed in mommy's opera that my hapless preschooler would proudly bang on her toy piano and announce, "I am writing MY opera!" (To date, she has decided not to continue the task, although there are two songs that she has been singing for a year that still stem from her earlier opera days, one of which I hope to record later this year.)

Mommy and her Angel
My mind has been racing. I finished the opera earlier in the fall and it has been premiered. It's an animated opera, so it's up on YouTube. Welcome to the 21st century! In any case, I have been enjoying a less creatively stressed out time, although I have to admit that I have other projects and classes to teach that always take up time, but compared to finishing an opera, well, this has seemed less stressful.

I've enjoyed teaching our daughter. We are going through kindergarten material right now and it really is fun to see how much she enjoys the little projects that we do. She really likes science and math and loves books, although reading has been a chore of sorts.  

She loves all of this one-on-one mommy-time, and I enjoy seeing her grow and learn and explore the world.

So why the insomnia? Maybe it's decades of pressure as a classical musician, always trying to one-up myself on the next project, maybe it's the positive response to the opera that has encouraged me to expand on the project considerably, maybe it's just pride in my work, but in any case, a part of me wants to continue to work on the project, make it bigger, better. 

But why? And perhaps that's the biggest issue. The why...My daughter is young, we are hoping to expand our family this year (fingers crossed)...

The next opera or symphony or film can wait until those days where my daughter doesn't hang on my every word and the silence of the house needs to be filled up with the sounds of music.

 
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December 5, 2012

The Lonely Mom (Dad/Grandparent) Club

mom kids
I belong to a not-so-elite club: The Lonely Mom Club. You know the one, where to be a member you need to be a stay-at-home parent/caregiver with young children who longs for the real outside world and tries to ignore the nagging feeling to scream the fifteenth time your toddler peed his pants today. 

To be in the Lonely Mom Club you don't have to be a mother, you can be a stay-at-home dad or even a grandparent. But what we all have in common is that day-in and day-out we care, love, clothe, bathe, and nurture young ones. 

Maybe you signed up for the Lonely Mom Club, like I did, not realizing how long 8 hours can be with a preschooler (especially if you, like me, try to avoid filling those hours with TV and video games and don't have transportation or a support network). Or maybe life threw you a couple of little ones unexpectedly and the other parent is not in the picture anymore. Maybe your adult kids, strapped for cash and working like dogs in today's economic depression, have left you with a couple of grandkids running around when you thought you would be sipping margaritas and living it up in your golden years. Or maybe you watch your nieces or are one of those brave souls that take in foster children, knowing that someday the children you love today can be literally gone tomorrow. 

The minutes stretch into hours, and hours into literally a millennium.  

You look at the clock, wishing you could cherish every single moment like the sappy movies tell you to or every parenting book assumes you can, when in reality you sometimes wonder what it would be like if the bathroom could teleport you just for 15 minutes to a sandy beach in Hawaii, where you can refresh your tired soul and then return energetic and ready to engage in the latest "But I can't put my socks on today! mommy-mommy-MOMMY!" 
motherhood child cute baby

And as my daughter literally 30 seconds ago brought me a pair of pink sandals so she could match Mommy (who in Floridian stubbornness wears sandals with socks instead of boots every winter) I realize that the truth is that even when I'm tired, exhausted, with zero in the gas tank, I have a child that needs me, loves me, and for some reason, wants to be like me. 

These children are precious, and you are precious for giving them the love and care that they need to make it through this insane world. So maybe you can't go out with your non-parent friends today or enjoy a romantic getaway because babysitting costs are prohibitive. Maybe your golden years are full of diapers and not daiquiris, or you're a stay-at-home dad that knows more about fabric softeners than last night's football game. But it doesn't matter...

In the end, what your kids are going to remember is that you were there to hug them, wipe away their tears, and give them what no nanny service, daycare, or television program can give: LOVE. 

Thanks for visiting Mami Mozart! I would love to hear about your thoughts. Share this blog with your friends and share your thoughts in the comments.  
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Sabrina Pena Young is a stay-at-home mom and professional composer/writer. She enjoys long walks on the beach, chocolate, and painting her daughter's toenails.
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September 30, 2010

Writing music into the night & tired of it

5Image by .Live.Your.Life. via FlickrHello Everyone,

I have been very busy writing music and writing articles on music, and teaching music. Music. Music. Music. And more Music! All in one night I have taught two online music history courses, composed an intro for an upcoming album, and completed jazz curriculum for a client on the West Coast. Busy. Busy. Busy.

I wish I was not so busy. My baby girl's first birthday is coming up soon and I cannot believe that the first year is over already! It makes me sad inside. I don't know. The first three months were very, very hard. I felt so very alone, even though my church friends visited often and brought me dinner and even cleaned my bathroom (thanks C.J.!) My mom-in-law did visit for a week, which did help immensely. My own parents have not seen her, yet. We hope to drive down to S. Florida in the spring to see them.

Soon she won't want to drink a bottle, soon she will be too big to cradle and cuddle in my arms, soon she will be talking up a storm and the baby babbles will disappear like dust. I hope that I have been the mom that she has needed. I hope that I have been the wife my husband needs. I feel like I am pulled from all directions. I can't do everything, but I try, I try so hard...to be a good mom, a good wife, a good teacher, a good musician...and I feel so many times like I am just failing at everything.

Every night I work till midnight. Its the only time I can concentrate on my work without entirely neglecting my family (and yes, I guess I neglect myself). It's not that I do not enjoy music. I love it! I just envisioned that when I got married and had my first baby that I would take care of her and write my music during my free time. Now I take care of her, teach online courses in my free time, attempt to be a wife, and work more into the late hours of the night. I am always tired. Always exhausted. Not very happy, to be honest.

Maybe I shouldn't be complaining. I really shouldn't. Things could be so much worse. I know single moms who never see their children, parents that have to scrounge just to make ends meet, and so many people without a job. I know I should be thankful for work. Hey, we are breaking even this month (almost)! That is something to celebrate, but when can I be a mom, just be a mom? When will I be a wife, and not have to be a teacher and writer and composer...not that I mind, but not all at the same time, and not 30 hours a week every week.

Sorry so sad tonight. Didn't mean to unload. Why is it easier to talk to cyberspace than a real person? Dunno.

Going to bed...I think...

Night,
Mamí Mozart
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