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Insomnia Strikes Musician Mom
You know the feeling, it's 4am and you need to sleep, your body says it's time to sleep, but your mind is racing over the latest issues of the day. Maybe you are worrying about that cough that Maria has had the last week, the test that John may or may not pass, maybe you have a big project at work or need to buy groceries tomorrow but don't have the time. Maybe a relative really, really got on your nerves or your spouse has been insensitive. Maybe you are stressing about getting pregnant or about the newborn that has just managed to fall asleep in your arms while you brain is wide awake.
Whatever the case, whatever the reason, all moms go through this - insomnia.
Tonight's insomnia was brought by work and music. If you don't know already, I am a composer and last year I finished my first opera. It took two years. That means for half of my daughter's life, mommy has been working on an opera, which only makes sense since I was writing an oratorio when she was in utero. Our lives became so enmeshed in mommy's opera that my hapless preschooler would proudly bang on her toy piano and announce, "I am writing MY opera!" (To date, she has decided not to continue the task, although there are two songs that she has been singing for a year that still stem from her earlier opera days, one of which I hope to record later this year.) |
| Mommy and her Angel |
I've enjoyed teaching our daughter. We are going through kindergarten material right now and it really is fun to see how much she enjoys the little projects that we do. She really likes science and math and loves books, although reading has been a chore of sorts.
She loves all of this one-on-one mommy-time, and I enjoy seeing her grow and learn and explore the world.
So why the insomnia? Maybe it's decades of pressure as a classical musician, always trying to one-up myself on the next project, maybe it's the positive response to the opera that has encouraged me to expand on the project considerably, maybe it's just pride in my work, but in any case, a part of me wants to continue to work on the project, make it bigger, better.
But why? And perhaps that's the biggest issue. The why...My daughter is young, we are hoping to expand our family this year (fingers crossed)...
The next opera or symphony or film can wait until those days where my daughter doesn't hang on my every word and the silence of the house needs to be filled up with the sounds of music.
